Hit The Bag

Right, I'm packed and just about to shut down this laptop and bring all my crap to Justin's where I'll be storing it for the next 2 1/2 weeks while I'm in Shanghai/Thailand.

I've gotta book it because I still have to set up a bank account and get a towel before boarding my train at 11:30 a.m.

Yep, after 8 months of stashing thousands of yuan in a 10-Base Standard Workgroup Hub box, I've decided to step it up and trust it to a Chinese bank. We'll see how it goes.

These last few days have been a flurry of packing, sorting, organizing, saying goodbyes (old school), saying hellos (new school) and figuring out exactly how this is all going to happen. But it's mostly done now. I leave China with an Invitation Letter to return to the country (a handy thing to have, lemme tell you) and should be able to sort my visa out in no time in Bangkok.

Oh, I've got loads of pictures from a trip to the Dalian Forest Zoo that Vanessa, Maggie and I took yesterday - however they'll just have to wait, in a smooth and well-timed move, my camera and my computer decided that they would give each other the silent treatment.

Anyway... I'm off. Next stop Shanghai. Goodbye Jinzhou, may a flight of angels carry thee [and so on].

Peace.

Dalian Forest Zoo - Caged

Alright, this is technically post-happening, as I'm posting this at the start of October, but pro-dating it to reflect when I went as I realized I never gave a proper description of my trip to the Dalian Forest Zoo.

I guess I should start by saying that my opinion of zoos is divided. I recognize that sticking animals in cages so we can gawk at them is cruelity to our fellow terra-bound bretheren. I also think that zoos play an important role in teaching folks compassion towards animals, giving people a way to access these otherwise often unreachable creatures and showing people that there is value in protecting them.

That said, my expectations of a Chinese zoo were not high. I mean, in a country with limited human rights, how much animal rights could there be? By and by my expectations were exceeded and it wasn't as cruel as I thought it would be. Was it fantastic? No. Would it pass in a Western country? Not likely. But it was alright.

90% of the zoo's appeal is the fact that it's set in a foresty bit of mountainous area in the south end of Dalian (hense the 'forest' in "Dalian Forest Zoo"). The zoo actually breaks down into two sections - one with cages and the other like a safari (African Lions Safari for my fellow Ontario peeps). I didn't go to the second bit, so all this is just for the stuff in cages bit.

[1] Nestled in a forest-coated valley, the zoo is a break from busy Dalian. [2] Me and Vee.

We took a shared taxi there from Jinzhou and arrived at the front gate. A mere 40 kuai and we were in the park. At the entrance we were met by these glorified golf cart drivers who insisted we needed to pay 10 RMB each to take their transportation to the 'actual' entrance of the park - what they claimed was about 4 KM away. Clever.

So, a kilometre or two later (and 30 kuai poorer) we arrived at the entrance and went straight for the pandas. This was our primary reason for going. In fact it was Vanessa's desire to see this rarest of bears that prompted the trip in the first place.


[1] Though they might gnaw off your face, it was hard not to grab these guys and squeeze them. [2] C'mon now, there's no need for that.
Pandas:
Before you reach the Great Panda you pass an enclosure of Red Pandas, and these little guys won hands down as the cutest animals in the zoo. I'd seen one or two of them before at the Toronto Zoo, but here they had a big bunch of them. The regular panda was actually kinda boring compared to his lesser-cousins as he just laid there with his legs emBEAR-ASSingly parted against the glass (get it, BEAR-ASS, embarrassed, get it?).




Primates:
The zoo has quite a few different types of monkeys (and a couple big chimps). The highlights were two ambitious baboons diggin' there way to America (it's neat putting that saying in reverse), and a chimp that would koutou (bow) for any food you might be willing to lob over the electric barrier to him.

Eagles/Vultures:
Big enclosure with equal number of the avian world's most famous hunters and scavengers. There seemed to be a precarious peace between the two species.


Leopards/Wolves:
The leopard cage reminded me that there is a complete lack of Health & Safety Standards in China. Whereas at home we'd have a big sign saying "Keep Your Fingers Out Of The Cage Or Be Dismembered!" backed up with two or three fences and barriers, here you could quite literally reach in and pet the kitties if you felt so inclined. In fact Vanessa nearly wet herself while she was taking a close-up photo and the playful predator lept at the chain-link fence standing between them. This cage and the wolf cage were the worst for size, and it was no wonder the wolves decided to just hang out at the back of the enclosure, at least a little out of site (the back was only about 10' away).


Bears:
The bear area basically was split between big Brown Bears and these really slick looking Sun Bears - all of which had mastered the art of showing off for food.

Elephants:
Not inclined to entertain, the male/female pair of elephants didn't do much to hold our attention, despite being held in a cage that had stadium seating around it. I assume there was a show at some point... meh. I've seen Thai elephants play football and reinact historic battles... what could these two do?

Tigers:
The tigers were equally docile, but it was nice to see a Siberian/Manchurian Tiger up close. These guys are 300 kgs of killing machine, and are reputed as the largest cats in the world. Mostly they just laid around in their plexi-glassed in enclosure.

After the tigers we returned to the panda bit to see if he had awaken. He was indeed, and now he was eating. Exciting! It's no wonder these guys have so much trouble breeding to save their species ... they're lazy gits.

We decided to hike it back to the main entrance and thumb our noses at the golf-cart girls. The walk was pleasant, and I suggest that for all future visitors, don't be dupped by their witchy ways. It's much shorter of a walk than they say.

Oh, and for those that the Dalian Forest Zoo is just too much for, you can see the Jinzhou Dirty Park zoo for a kuai. Dirty monkey food is extra though.

My C10 class @ the Jinzhou Zoo: [BACK] Alba, Janice, Maggie, Vanessa, Sam and Jack. [FRONT] Jennifer, Mary and Angelina.

Who's That Girl?

"A good traveller has no fixed plan and is not intent on arriving." - Lao Zi (老子)


So, my mother has made it clear that perhaps a bit more information about Maggie is needed - and I guess that's fair, as I've only ever dropped hints on here about her and suddenly I've decided to change my long planned plans to stay for her.

Well mom, here you go:

Name: Maggie (Wang Fang Fang - 王芳芳)
Age: 25 (considered 26 in China)
Sign: Monkey (and she acts it!)
Height: 1.67m (5'6")
Weight: 49kg (108 lbs)
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Nationality: Chinese (中国人)
Place of Birth: Jinzhou (金州区)
Favourite Colour: All (lame)
Favourite Food: Chinese, but it's all so-so
Favourite Film: Anything scary or kung-fu
Most Interesting Thing That's Happened To Her: Met me (lame, I know, but still... how could I not include that?)

Anyway, enough of all that. Basically she's just an amazing girl that I could go on and on and on about here... but even with a Journalism diploma and claims at being a published-professional writer, I find I am at a lost for how to properly put the words in order that would even remotely capture the emotion of it.

Essentially, for any that weren't paying attention - I met Maggie when I was fresh off the plane and still trying to figure out the pronunciation of xie xie (谢谢). I tried and failed a countless number of times to muster up some courage to let her know I dug her, and eventually just settled on having a friendship with her - as I had convinced myself that there was little point to confess my infatuation with her when she had a boyfriend (more of a fiancee really) and the best I could hope would be she would say she felt something for me too, but couldn't do anything about it.

But then time ran short and I realized that I really needed to stop playing the "guess her reaction" game and just let the cards fall where they would. Truthfully, I guess it had more to do with the fact that I was getting less fearful of having to face a girl daily that had castrated me with her laughter at my pathetic feelings. Yeah - confidence and girls, not my strong point.

The other thing that killed about two months of that time was my relationship with Mandy. Not something I regret in anyway, despite how it ended. However, when I first started being friendly with Mandy I hit a cross-road and had to shit or get off the pot (out of the squat? This is China) with the Maggie thing and for some reason I came to the solid and well-founded decision that telling her how I felt about her was just a vast waste of time. So, I spent more time with Mandy and buried the Maggie thing (I know I know, the girls with 'M' thing hasn't escaped my notice, but I didn't choose their names...). We all know how the Mandy thing ended, and as much as that put me off girls ... I guess it wasn't significant enough to dissuade me completely - as here I am.

And that's it. There's lots of little bits missing, the hours I spent talking to her at school, me finding every opportunity to stumble my way into the reception area just to stare stupidly at her, etc., etc. But really, it's of little consequence now and she's waiting for me.

G'night.

Hold The Phone

I think it was over a plate of Hui Guo Rou (回锅肉) last Saturday with Matt that something clicked. I don't know if it was one of the multitude of enlightening things he always seems to spout off during lunch, or if it was just the first time I'd had a chance to really think about things, but I came to a decision that is on the fast track to being one of the bigger ones I've made in my life.

I'm staying.

When Maggie and I first began I adopted the same attitude I had previously, which was a 'Sure I'll miss you - but I will regret not going if I stayed.' It wasn't really until last Saturday that it hit me; she would be the regret. We've fallen hard and fast in love with each other and if I left that after two or three weeks of finally being able to explore it I know little to nothing else would be of interest to me come Australia. I couldn't sit through a year wondering would have been.

The argument could be made that if it was 'really meant to be' it would survive a year apart. But I'd have to disagree. At some point the safety measures would kick in and walls would start to be built and questions of "was it actually real?" would be raised... and then it would all just fade away.

So - there it is. One of the biggest decisions I've ever made. I've dropped my plans and decided to stay in a country I was really beginning to dislike for a girl that until a week ago had a fiancee. Crazy? Maybe... but for one redeeming thing. I know it's the right choice.

The revised plan is therefore as follows:
Go to Shanghai with Freddy and the recently arrived Vanessa on Tuesday
Go to Thailand on Friday with Freddy for about two weeks
Return to China and move to Dalian where I'll be working again with Future School

I've made some changes to my routine, not the least of which is moving into the city. I like Jinzhou, but frankly I'm a bit tired of it and would like to be a little more central. I've also switched my 25-27 hours work week down to 15 hours, giving me time to start studying Chinese.

Right now things are a flurry of preparations, sorting out a new contract, getting my visa, packing, showing Vanessa around, developing my relationship with Maggie, hiding from her somewhat mad and potentially dangerous ex and doing the 'goodbye party' thing with a load of people I may never see again. Oh, and my classes, of which I now have to jet to.

Closer Than My Peeps You Are To Me, Baby

Well, as I sorta led on that I would give an update on what happens next, here it is: I don't know. It's getting tougher and tougher to sort out what to do. Maggie and I are going head over heels and it's a great feeling. It's sort of like we've both had this bottled up affection for each other all this time we've been friends and now we're allowed to let it loose... it's like a North Korean defector in a voting booth - we're both not sure where to start or what to do, but we're just thrilled to be there.

And not to slight any ex's in anyway, but it's also nice to walk with a girl who isn't ashamed of holding my hand in public... that was always a weird feeling with Mandy. I mean, I understand the reasoning behind it, as it attracts a lot of attention... but it really made me feel like I was an outsider and different than her. I've never felt any sort of racism towards me directly ... and that's the closest I've come to being offended by it. Maggie also gets the looks, but she doesn't care (or puts on that she doesn't) and whether she knows it or not, it means a load to me.

We went out for dinner tonight. It was suposed to be a crude way for me to say thank you (谢谢) for her washing my floor today. Honestly, I told her not to, I begged her to let me do it, and I informed her that if any of my female friends ever saw her on her hands and knees washing my floor with a rag - they'd assure that none of my genes would ever see the light of a future generation. However, she insisted (something about not being comfortable in the filth that is my apartment) and for it I promised her a nice meal (actually I had planned the meal thing previously... but I had nothing at this point and I was reaching). Unfortunately, she wasn't having any of it -- we went to a local 'western food' restaurant and she order a fruit salad for dinner. After watching her pick away at it while I gobbled down a Seafood Medley, I decided to try a bite. I immediately assumed the sweet whip cream coating had gone bad, that is until my tastebuds clued in that it was actually mayonnaise. WTF? Who coats fruit in mayo? 你没有mayo在果子! It suddenly became very clear why she had been so slow at eating it. She insisted that the company was the only thing she cared about, and has made plans to see me again tomorrow... but after egg yoke and vinegar soaked fruit... I wouldn't blame her if the call never came.

Oh, so I've found this really cool site that lets you keep updated with all your blogs and news together in one easy and organized page. It's called Bloglines.com, check it out. It's fan-frigin-tastic for anyone in China who wants to read Blogger.com hosted blogs, as the CCP has deemed them too dangerous for anyone but the highest of officials to read.

Now that I can keep up to date, shout-outs to:
Eric's Blog - Blogger Name: Shanshu311
Sarah's Blog - Blogger Name: FineCherryWine

Here you go Eric, the five songs that I'm currently humming in my head:
Angel (of the Morning) - Shaggy Ver.
Ni Dao Di Ai Zhe Shei - Liang Liang
Three Little Birds (still) - Bob Marley
Place Your Hands On - Reef
Say You Say Me - Lionel Richie

5 days until Vanessa arrives.

And in case anyone was curious, the craptastic Shaggy lyric Title Line is because Maggie's English name used to be 'Angel' ... and I've had the song stuck in my head all night.

Winds of Change

Right, damnit. Now I've got the Scorpions stuck in my head. I swear my head is a sponge for craptastic music ... wait, that's not true. It's just a sponge for anything that drifts by... I've had Three Little Birds stuck in my head for days and that's a great tune.

All arachnid-named 80s bands aside, change is defintely the theme around here. With only two weeks in Jinzhou left, departure plays a role in that - but it is not the biggest change.

First, staffing. For some reason, currently being pulled out of top management by a somewhat rabid Doris, Future School head office has decided to can all the support staff at our school. Maggie, Doris, Annie and Sherry were all told the other day not to bother showing up for work anymore. It has long been known to me that Chinese employees are essentially treated like so much stationary, but I've not witnessed it so personally until now.

The big question on everyone's mind is "why", as no reason was given. The school has been having ups and downs with construction, management, competition, etc., and this may have affected enrollment - making lay-offs neccessary, but the way in which it was done was completely without class.

The second big thing changing is my relationship with Maggie. After a somewhat awkward confession of my long-growing feelings for her (I checked my journal. First entry in China: January 14th, first entry mentioning Maggie: ditto) at the beach on Thursday, we've been spending more and more time together. It's lacking a whole lot of grace and/or foresight but it leaves me smiling a stupid-looking grin when I'm alone (and often when I'm not as well).

Simply put, there's never been a girl I've languished over for so long and not said anything to. I could list all the reasons I didn't say anything, and some of them were even pretty good, but it doesn't really matter now does it. I've not held back at all, deciding (actually on a word of advice from Freddy) that if I try to guess what she's thinking or how she's going to feel then I'll be doing what seems to be a Chinese girl's favorite past-time: Guess Your Emotion And Make All Decisions Based On It. I told it all to her.

So... what happens next? Aren't we all curious to know.

After Sunset

"They say you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth... but checking for legs isn't a bad idea." - Ryan said to Freddy at the 45 minute mark.

As previously mentioned, a few of us were shooting for a redo of last weeks adventure to the beach. We got a bit more ambitious this time and planned it for the shores of Jinshitan (金石滩). The only problem was transportation, as it's about 20 minutes north of Kaifaqu (开发区), which is 25 minutes from Jinzhou (金州). Fortunately one of the new Chinese teachers at the school, Summer, was interested in coming and managed to convince her boyfriend to come too... and he drives a van.

Everything was set, we had a disposable BBQ, loads of lamb kabobs (羊肉串) and various fruits... but come our 3:30 departure, no boyfriend. After several phone calls marked with decreasing degrees of patience, he showed up and we headed on our way. The reason he was an hour and a half late... had to wash the van, he thought it'd be rude to let us ride in a dirty vehicle.


waiting...
We got to the beach rather late, but set right to work getting the grill fired up and the meat cooking. I, for the third of three times visiting the beach, didn't go in, but rather spent the time chillin' with Maggie on the shore.

After feasting for a while most everyone decided to head into the water, so Maggie and I took the opportunity to take a walk down the beach and were treated to some cool fireworks and a load of people dancing around a big bonfire.


Maggie and Me, not the best photo of us, but cute none the less.
I've got a unique friendship with Maggie in part because I've been able to watch her English abilities grow over the past 7 months. When I first met her I didn't even know she could speak English; as for the first week or two I was at the school she never said a word to me. But, as you do with cute girls, it wasn't long before I pushed the conversation issue and realized it was just her shyness. And in the ensuing months we've become good friends.

However, it wasn't until the pressures of my impending departure crept up on me that I began to realize how little (nothing really) we'd done togther outside of school... but these last two weeks have given us more opportunity, and I'm thrilled about it, though it is making me cringe more and more when I think about that inevitable goodbye.


Summer and Doris sharing a floatation device.
Anyway, we got back from our walk just in time to find Summer's boyfriend searching the beach for us to say we were on our way out. I was a little disappointed that the night had to end so early (8:00), but quality, not quantity, as they say.

Jianzi (键子)
I don't know why it's taken me so long to comment on this wonderful little invention. Jianzi (键子) is the lust child of badminton and hackey sack. Basically it's a game that, like hack, involves you kicking a small object to other people in a circle. From what I can see it is the most popular game in China. Sure Ping Pong may be the national sport, but off the books, it's all about Jianzi. Any spare moment throughout the day you can see people kicking these things around.


The great part is, unlike hack, it's not age bias. China has an uber active senior community and they're full-on into it. Recently Shengbin Huayuan (盛滨花园), my home, hosted a bit of a jianzi championship... it was pretty cool to watch - and thanks to the marvels of my crappy little digital camera, you can:



Only 11 more days until Vanessa arrives!

Hello? Typhoon?

Umm. I certainly don't mean to sound like I'm not appreciatative of the trouble nature goes to when creating natural disasters... but I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in this "typhoon".

Aside from a few mildly windy showers yesterday, and water and instant noodles being bought by the bike-load, the main event has been noticably absent from humble little Jinzhou's shores. The cancelled classes were a nice touch though... and being stuck in doors did allow Freddy and I the opportunity to rework the lyrics to John Denver's immortal classic (Take Me Home) Country Roads. The newly titled (Take Me Home) Mao Ze Dong should be available in a bootleg shop near you as soon as they all re-open.

Yeah, looks like the government has finally decided to crack down on DVDs. It's unclear about the reason, but likely has to do with WTO officials visiting or something. Hell, it could be as simple as a party leader having bought a bum copy of War of the Worlds.

So, no typhoon, no DVDs... bah. The one thing I do have is a ticket to Thailand! As does Freddy, so I'll have some company on my mini-vacation. At only 1,680 RMB (about $250 CND - or Australian... I just have no idea what currency to use for my conversions anymore) it didn't hurt my wallet too much, which is good because I am getting a little nervous about how much money I'll be arriving in Australia with. Hopefully with a return ticket to Thailand they'll not want to check my bank account to prove I have the visa-stipulated amount in there.

I've been in touch with Rieng, my good friend in Thailand and she said she's got no problem putting Freddy and I up at her place, which is great as I can't wait to see her and her family again. We'll stay with her for a few days, exploring Bangkok and securing our tickets to Australia, and then head down to either Koh Chang or Koh Samet for a week of fun in the sun on a nice beach.

A Mighty Wind

So, about two minutes ago I was given some startling news... I'm in the middle of a typhoon. Ok, not 'technically' the middle, sorta top/left. [Typhoon Matsa]

I had noticed it was a bit wet & windy this morning, but never having been in a typhoon I guess I failed to recognize it for what it is. The downside to it is it killed a guy yesterday in Shanghai, it is making my apartment a bit warm as I've had to batten all the hatches, and it'll make my eventual quest for food a damp one.

The upside? School's been cancelled for today and tomorrow. I don't know how much mention I've made of it, but the last few weeks have been rough with only one real day off a week. So this will be a nice, if somewhat house-bound, break.

I hope the damn thing has the manners to dissipate before Thursday as I am rather looking forward to the trip up to Jinshitan (Golden Pebble Beach) with Maggie and the other girls from work.

Go Fishing - Enjoy Life

I never really buy in to the random feel-good FWDs my mom has a compulsive need to send me, and maybe it's because this one plays on my lack of desire to chase that "dream" that's drilled into us capitalists since birth... but I liked it. So, here it is:

A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the Mexican.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the American.

The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs . . I have a full life."

The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

And after that?" asked the Mexican.

With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

Know where you're going in life ... you may already be there.

Well, another weekend down. Hard to believe there's only three of them left. Aside from my departure creeping up on me real fast, it looks like I'll be spending another day at the beach this week with the girls from work - life is tough.

Son of a Beach

Yao Tao Beach, just north of Jinzhou.

So, after a hell of a start to the week I've capped things off with a nice trip to the beach. It was Doris' idea to get a bunch of the foreigners and a bunch of the Future School staff out for a party at the beach... only Freddy and I showed up to fill the foreigner quota - but the Chinese girls were there in force. Doris, Serena, Maggie, Annie and her daughter Tracey all came with.


[1] A rare photo of the lovely Maggie. [2] Serena playing hide-and-seek in her towel.

Chinese beaches are a bit weird in that you generally find a spot in a covered pavilion (read: someone's shack of a home) and pay 20-50 kuai to sit there. It was a bit funny for Freddy and I, who were quite content just to park it on the sand, but the Chinese seem to have a healthy fear of the sun, and dirt (which sand resembles a lot).

We chilled at the beach for a few hours and I finally followed-through with a promise I had made Maggie months ago that I'd attempt to teach her to swim. I don't know if you've ever considered what it means to teach someone to swim... from the beginning, but it's not as easy as you'd think. I just assumed everyone had the natural ability to not swallow mouthfuls of water when they put their head under the water - and I certainly would have guessed most everyone could tread water. After a few near drownings Maggie got to the point where she could swim from Serena to me and I was happy enough with that. The lesson was a bust, but spending time with Maggie in a social setting was kind of nice. We've had a friendship going for about 5 or 6 months but never done anything together outside of school. Figures we choose 3 weeks before I leave to start.


[1] Me, Maggie, Tracey, Annie, Freddy and Serena. [2] Freddy and Doris flanking some guy that seemed thrilled to share his beer with two lao wai.

After a bit of BBQ lamb on a stick we packed it in and headed back to Jinzhou for some karaoke at a KTV. Freddy and I worked our way though some Bob Marley, a bit of Stevie Wonder and a tad of Lionel Richie while the girls impressed us with their renditions of various Chinese songs I didn't know or understand - with the exception of Super Star.

The girls all headed home, but the night was young for Freddy and I so we headed down to our local BBQ place for some more meat on a stick and some draft beer. Matt joined us and we made an evening of it... with all of us waking up this morning (well, Matt at like 3pm) the worse for wear.


[1] Annie and her daughter Tracey - no idea who the floating head is. [2] The coast north of Jinzhou is actually quite scenic with lots of green hills.


[1] Freddy throwing some freestyle over top Doris' KTV pick. [2] And a beautiful voice to match.

The Money Train

Hey, so I've added this button to my site that lets you throw any amount of money you want at me and immediately upon clicking "Send" you are filled with a sense of karmatic bliss unlike anything you've felt before**.

Mostly I just like the idea of having a PayPal Donation button on my site, so by no means feel that I am begging for cash or anything like that. I think blogs are, should and will always remain one of the best free things on the net... but I know a lot of my friends and family read this, and should anyone ever feel particularly sorry for me and want to buy me a drink to say "I understand..." - well, now you have the means. Any amount is accepted.

** some conditions apply, and no guarantee is made to the quality or durations of said bliss nor the ensuing affect it plays on your next life. Karma© and Bliss© are both protected under article 10c of the Enlightened Joint Venture Act c.510 between the Hinduism and Buddhism franchises.

No Offence, But...

It's funny that I had always assumed the Chinese government would be the first to censor my site, but that pin gets given to Google of all things. It figures I chose to apply for Google's AdSense program the day I post an entry that says "sexist" and "racist" in the first bit. I wonder how one becomes a "program specialist"... I wonder if they're more than 14 years old? Or more than a semi-developed word-finding application for that matter.

Hello Ryan,

Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we're unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.

We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.

Issues:
- Sensitive content
---------------------
Further detail:

Sensitive content: Google believes strongly in freedom of expression and offers broad access to content across the web without censoring search results. At the same time, we reserve the right to exercise discretion when reviewing sites for AdSense. We've found that your website contains content that we don't allow at this time. AdSense policy doesn't currently accept sites that advocate against any individual, group, or organization. Please review our policies https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US) for a complete list of site content not allowed on web pages.

I get to go to the beach tomorrow.. yay. Oh, and seeing as I am not able to put ads on my site and bug you all to click on them... I am going to add a PayPal donation button. It's not that this site costs me a load of money (maybe $80/yr.) but hey... donations would certainly help out this poor traveller. So, if you've got a bank account that is in the black and you like my site... throw me a couple bucks.

The Things This Country Does To Me

Be warned, the following contains some serious negativity.

So, I know I've been down on things here before, but today may very well win as the all-time most craptacular. I've realized, in nary a 24-hour period this country has made me a:

1) Sexist
2) Hypochondriac
3) Pessimist
4) Racist

And here's why:

1) Women are retards. Now I realize that not ALL women are complete fucking idiots, but would all those who aren't raise their hands to clearly identify themselves. I had a big long chat with Mandy on the phone today about us that mostly revolved around how much we mean to each other and care for each other. But when she said she could only be 99% sure she wouldn't get back with her ex-boyfriend while she was at home in Guizhou I said I didn't want to be sitting around like a chump being chaste for her waiting for that 1% to happen. I knew the 1% thing seemed like I was focusing in on it and blowing it out of proportion, but for some reason it just seemed odd and after an argument me asking about this caused we decided we'd cancel the boyfriend/girlfriend thing and just see what happens as it happens. A bit later on MSN she said that she changed her mind, she was getting back with her ex.

2) I'm going to die. I filled our bathroom bucket (we have no flush and have to dump a bucket of water into the toilet every time we use it) up today and when I took a look at it I realized the water was a wonderful shade of crimson. I don't know what's in our water but whatever it is it was certainly all over my pear after I washed it and while I was eating it. Something's also wrong with my baby toe... it's all red and gross.

3) My neck's cramping keeping my eyes out for falling pianos. I went to Dalian for my class tonight. It was at one of the Future Schools there. After class I figured I'd take a bus down to the centre of Dalian, grab a bite and see if I could get the train back. I changed my mind at the bus stop and went back to spend an hour trying to arrange a shared taxi. It usually just takes a moment, but for some reason tonight proved exceptionally difficult explaining what I wanted to Chinese people. I gave up and went back to the bus stop and got the bus to the train station. Bought my ticket and with about an hour and a half to kill I decided to get some KFC and bitch in my journal. At the time laid out on my ticket I went back in the train station and realized there was an un-natural amount of people lounging around the place. Sure I had never been there that late, but it did seem excessive. When no one was boarding trains at said ticket-time, I decided to cut my losses with trains (4.5 kuai) and try again with a shared taxi. I woke Sherry, my manager, up and got her to call for me. She called back and said there were no shared taxis, and the reason the trains weren't going was because there was a big accident.

4) Chinese people are assholes. Accepting my fate I got in an ill-bargined 80 RMB taxi headed home and counted my blessings that the day was nearly over. The 80 RMB was a bit much, but the guy was nice and I figured "what the hell.. I just want to get home." Lost in my thoughts in the backseat I didn't notice we had pulled off the highway into a cross-roads called Dalian Wan where the taxi driver explained he was just going to put me in a Jinzhou cab so he didn't have to drive all the way there. Fine. So I get in the Jinzhou cab, my first cab driver gives the new driver some of the money I just gave him and speeds away. When the new driver shows no interest in leaving I ask why and he says we have to wait for 3 more people. It's now 11:30 and there's not a soul in sight. I again say, "Wei shen me?!?!" And he explains that my first cab driver only gave him 10 kuai and that's just enough for a shared cab. He then kindly explained that if I gave him another 10 kuai he'd take me now. Realizing this day was just going to get worse and worse, I paid him and we left. I have no idea which one of them ripped me off but both did it with a smile.

Anyway, I got home and thankfully there was a cold beer in the fridge waiting for me... it was a nice way to wash down the day and the e-mail waiting for me from Mandy that explained that she slept with her ex-boyfriend last night. Refer to point #1.