Commie Comics

I just got this link from my friend Derrick (www.maskofchina.com) and man is it funny stuff. It's an old comic put out by the Catholic Guild designed to promote citizenship, morality and patriotism. This bit ran in 1961.




The other interesting link I got recently was from another Dalian blogger. It is essentially a blog of unfiltered Chinese news. Check it out here.

Star Wars in English - Jinzhou in Chinglish

There's something to be said about the fact that one of my largest fears I've had to face in China was missing out on seeing the final Star Wars movie in the theatre. I mean, I'm not one of those card-carrying, first-run doll collecting, travel across America convention going weirdos - but I grew up with Star Wars, it's hard to take that out of a kid. If they make (and I hear rumours they will) a live-action Transformers movie, you can bet I'll be at that one too.

Anyway, so yeah, the fear was removed on Thursday when I tracked down a cinema in Dalian playing host to it in English (or as close as Yoda can get to English). The sparkly new cinema in Olympic Square, Wanda Warner, was great, complete with stadium seating, and all that jazz. The Warner characters mingling with the Terracotta Warriors in a giant wall mural was a nice touch as well.

I had met up with Karen and Mandy early in the day for an unsuccessful attempt to get me some new pants and shoes, we then converged with my Newfie (he swore it was alright) friend Justin down at the Square for some dinner and the movie. Justin was a little bit taken back by the zaniness of the girls but quickly learned to adore them as I do. Not a lot of Chinese girls seem to have loads of personality bursting from them, but these two certainly are in no short supply and I love hanging out with them.


Mandy and Karen.

After the movie we headed down the road to a cafe and met up with some of Justin's friends who were gathered to celebrate Tim's 27th birthday. I didn't know Tim or anyone else there, but it was cool to sort of crash the end of the party. We stayed to watch the crowd leave and then headed to another bar, adding the birthday boy to our motley group. While we were waiting for Tim to come out of the place we got the treat of watching the stupidest car accident I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing (not including my own, of course - they don't get dumber than that). Outside the bar/cafe place was a taxi hoping one of us would make it worth his while. Aside from him there wasn't a car to be seen... which made it all the more incredible that this black luxury sedan chose that exact spot to leave the pre-defined lanes of the road.

The car slammed into the rear of the taxi, giving both drivers a bit of a wakeup (and I'm sure a few minor injury claims). We gawked for a bit (more to see if the taxi driver was going to flip out - but I've since learned that black luxury sedan often means government... so there's a good chance the taxi driver took the blame for this one) and then headed down the road to a bar that Justin knew of.

We stayed at the bar far too late and then headed to Justin's to make use of his spare sleeping facilities as neither the girls nor myself could get home (me due to no trains that late and them because their dorm closes at 10:30 or something silly).

Oh! So, I'm often on the hunt for good Chinglish in public spaces, and leave it to a Chinese construction team to bring it right to my door. For the past couple weeks they've been erecting this huge shiny steel wall across the road from my apartment. We had various guesses as to what it might be for, but I admit I didn't expect a nearly 500m billboard advertising the new Ocean Blue Top City. Best that can be figured is that it's sort of a combo shopping centre, apartment building, business complex - but really, it's hard to be sure with these descriptions:


[1] Wealth Create Hethpace. [2] New City Upter Class Life - Style Great Landmark.


Commeroe Core.

And just a little N.B. - since posting those usage statistics about people landing at my site by searching very bizarre things the amount of people who have stumbled here searching for KTV girls in Shanghai (and various other places) is booming. Even this entry will further perpetuate the google engine's mis-guided attempts at helping perverts as every time I say Shanghai KTV girl it means a stronger hit count. Anyone in web marketing looking to get traffic, take note.

Oh, it may also be interesting to friends and family from home to note that the readership of this site seems to be steadily growing as I'm getting more and more e-mails from various people who seem to come across it one way or another (cou-KTV girls-gh)

Wooly Jumpers - A soft tragedy

If you don't get the subject line, you've likely not called me in China.

That's right folks... I hadn't mentioned my secret plans, but I was resting whether I actually went to Australia or just returned to Canada on who called me first - someone from Welland or someone from Melbourne (I'm discounting my Aunt Peggy, because she's just thoughtful like that). Australia wins! (thank god, this damn visa's costing me a fortune).

So yeah, I just got off the phone with Cass and I am again left with the extremely guilty knowledge that the number of times she's called me, in no less than three different countries, far exceeds the number of times I've called her.

However, I have written about her online a helluva lot more times than she's written about me.

The real funny part about the phone call was that when I picked it up my mind was tuned in to listening for what Chinese person it was... so for about 5 seconds (and a somewhat brute 'who's this?') I thought Cass was Chinese. But her tones are way off.

I know I sound a bit cheez saying it... but man was it good to talk to her. It always is (she's pretty damn amazing), but living here you tend to forget that there's a real live world going on out there with actual people moving around in it that aren't spitting compulsively or staring at you endlessly. I mean e-mail does the trick for reminding me that people are alive, but a call puts some blood into it.

Tomorrow I'm heading to Kaifaqu with Karen and Mandy. I'm not entirely sure of my logic when I asked them to come shopping with me and help me buy clothes. A) I'm not certain that Chinese fashion sense is a good choice and B) I have my doubts that this will turn into anything more than me following them around to a whole lot of shops a bit devoid of male-based items.

Well, I've got a really nasty e-mail to write to Greyhound Bus Lines about some Christmas presents of mine they lost and refuse to owe up to.

X The X-ray

I know there's a few of you that just logged on to the Internet to discover if it is possible for a Canadian male (approx. 27 years of age) to get from Dalian to Shenyang and back in a day... and let me tell you: it is indeed my friends, it is indeed.

I caught the 7 a.m. train from Jinzhou to Dalian this morning to then catch (and retrace my steps on) the 8 a.m. Dalian train to Shenyang. For any that don't know, Shenyang is the capital of Liaoning province and a five hour train ride from Dalian. I visited the city in the dead of winter and did all the touristy stuff, but this time around I was all business.

After shoving as much McDonalds into my mouth as I could stand (it's amazing what urgency and hungry will do to your ethics), I hopped in a cab and found the Global Doctor heath unit where I had to go to get my x-ray, which would then be forwarded to the nearest Australian overseas office and complete my obligations for the visa application.

Thankfully the staff at the Global Doctor office all spoke English. The whole deal ended up costing me a bit more than I expected. I had planned that it would be 340 RMB (about $50 CND) but they tacked on an extra 160 RMB for express delivery of the plates to the Australian embassy ($23 CND seems a little high... but what could I say). There was then another 60 RMB added on to the bill for what I can only assume was the fact that I needed two x-rays taken. Apparently their machine isn't built for my MASSIVE girth. The girl showed me what the cute little Chinese girl that went before me's x-ray looked like... and then showed me mine while exclaiming my lungs are huge. Lotta hot air apparently.

I'm sure I was the talk of their office today as I can't imagine it's too often that giant Canadians come in covered in hair & tattoos and need a bit of privacy to remove their nipple piercing when it's explained they can't have any metal on.

Tacking on the two train rides and taxis... that put the day's total at 735 RMB (about $110 CND)... add in the $170 I had to pay for the visa application and you're pushing near $300 for the damn thing. Do you know what I could buy in China for that money...

Met a new "I wanna practice my English" friend on the train. She seems cool, but if this keeps being a regular thing, I'm just going to transfer some of my adult classes onto the rails.

Speaking of such types of friends, I just realized I'm a little bit behind in social updates. Went to Dalian and met with Karen and her friend Mandy on Thursday. We trekked down to her school and went to a local KTV where we greeted Karen's boyfriend, Sky, and some other friends. After protesting that my throat hurt far too much to sing, I did my best to squawk out some of the English songs they had on tap. Sky, Karen, Mandy and I then hit a restaurant for a quick bite to eat. After dinner Sky skipped out feeling a little ill in the stomach (apparently it hits Chinese people too!). Wandering a bit deciding what to do, Karen jumped on to the idea of taking the train back to Jinzhou, going to HOT and then crashing at my place. Not having much will to disagree, Mandy and I went along with it.

Both Mandy and I were poor sports at the bar, as she doesn't know how to dance and I was too busy hacking up a lung and losing my voice. The night was fun regardless, but I did feel a little bad watching Karen dancing with herself on the floor. I told her she should have just paired up with the middle-aged business man who had removed his shirt and was cutting some serious tile... but she just wasn't game. Her loss, I'm certain.

Oh, and some flics of the week:
XXX: State of the Nation - What a craptastic film, meaning it was crap, but fantastic. It really lacked pretty much all the suave of the first film, but it was fun to watch Ice Cube blow things up - which he did often.

Kingdom of Heaven - For anyone that missed Gladiator's battle scenes, or just feels like they could use a second helping, this movie's for you. Scott's got a knack for taking an exciting bit of history, creating a pretty uneventful story out of it and getting some good acting to fill it out. Nothing overly interesting about the film, but it was entertaining and worth the $1 I paid for it.

House of D - Not bad for what is essentially an indie film by David "Mulder" Duchovny. Robin Williams is alright as the somewhat typical specially different (or whatever the new term is) person. The kid's good in it too, but not half as good as Patrick Fugit in Almost Famous.

Meet the Fockers - Why is it that the more aged celebrities you put in a sequel, the worse it gets? I really liked the first one, Meet the Parents, but I'm beginning to suspect it's just because I like Ben Stiller in movies with Owen Wilson. This movie was total crap - skip it if you're able to.

The rest of my TV time has been spent watching the first seasons of Deadwood and Carnivale... with both of them nearing finish... what the hell am I going to watch next? I guess I've still got Season 5 of the Sorpranos... and perhaps I can find a good copy of Six Feet Under...

A Strong Movement

What a beautifully euphemistic term 'movement' is... its very mention inspires a sense of something happening. It's exciting. Possibly people getting together to stand up for what they believe in. Running out into the streets, furiously chanting 'Down with buttons, to hell with zippers! WE-WANT VEL-CRO! WE-WANT VEL-CRO!'

But alas, euphemisms being what they are...

I've never been in a place where I've paid quite so much attention to the going-on's of my colon and its colleagues. Believe me, it's not due to lack of hobby, but from learned respect.

A good rule of thumb when it comes to your gastroinstestinal temperment (at least here in China) is to bank on the fact it will do the opposite of what you want. When Crammed into the window seat of a six hour bus journey will undoubtedly be the moment you begin to sound the part of a boiling cauldron, with steam to match; your blood instantly being replaced by pure, unfiltered anxiety. Likewise, should you be lounging around your apartment for a few days with nothing but time, your comfy Western-style toilet often begins to feel neglected - not for lack of you visiting it, just for lack of you giving it more purpose than a chair.

It's a cruel world is all I can say. And China's the crueler for it.

However, it has also provided me with ample opportunity to study the finer points to a healthy bowel, and in turn a richer, more fulfulling life. If you think that sounds a tad extreme you must never have been on a 15-minute hernia-inducing crunch with nothing to show for it but a good sweat and the threat of hemorrhoids. Nor have you seen to just what lengths you'll grovel, even to people who don't understand a word of what you're saying, just to use a hygiene-less (and seat-less) toilet.

Some foods to eat when you've started to make like the Mighty Mississip' are pretty wide ranging, as anything cooked has a constipative quality to it. Any steamed, baked, fried, or heated in any way meats, fish, grains or beans will block you up well. Bananas are also said to be good stuffing (please peel and eat them, this isn't that kind of site). They are also good if you survive a bout of diarrhea, as they replace some of the nutrients your body has just evicted. Plain yogurt is another that will replace some missing essentials (namely bacterias you need for proper digestion). For those getting through a gut tearing round of diarrhea (namely Traveller's Diarrhea) and not enjoying the look of a full on meal, stick with what is called the BRAT diet: Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast.

Whereas raw apples and pears are good 'rough' fruits to eat if you need some motivation to get your colon cattle movin'. Generally speaking most uncooked, unrefined foods are a good group to steer towards if you're having a slowness of sorts in your shorts. The other essential thing is consuming enough liquids. Dehydration will lead to constipation. Oh, and don't deny that urge to purge - your colon's sole purpose is to take any last useful things it can from the food you've eaten, including moisture. If you decided to hold in that need to go, you can cause your body to remove too much water and like the stools in McDonalds, it will be cemented in place.

Stay tuned for the next entry where I take you through how to give yourself an enema with a bendy straw and a juice box... just kidding, just kidding (trials are still being done).

But really, there isn't a traveller out there that isn't affected by the above two problems, so I hope that some of the advice comes in handy. For more info, check out the following links:
Traveller's Diarrhea
Food Causing Constipation
And for all you exercise nuts...
Bowel Training

Who are the five most constipated men in the Old Testament?
1) Cain wasn't Abel.
2) Moses went up onto the mountain and took two tablets.
3) King David sat on the throne for forty years.
4) Solomon - neither heaven nor Earth could move him.
5) Noah was at sea for forty days and forty nights and all he passed was water.

Kylie Showgirl Tour Pitchers 2005

Top 9 of 9 Total Search Strings
#	Hits		Search String
1	14	56.00%	humanaught
2	2	8.00%	eric's hair salon beijing
3	2	8.00%	the humanaught
4	2	8.00%	thehumanaught.com
5	1	4.00%	koh phanagan
6	1	4.00%	kylie showgirl tour pitchers 2005
7	1	4.00%	mcvittie dam
8	1	4.00%	shanghai ktv girls photo
9	1	4.00%	the mancunian candidate poster

Not to bore with more random site statistics... but the above chart outlines various search strings (the crap you type into Google, Yahoo, etc., when looking for something) that led to a hit on my site. Now the 'Humanaught' stuff ... that's likely me testing to see if I had been listed yet in Google - but 'Kylie Showgirl Tour Pitchers [sic] 2005'... and I could only wish I had Shanghai KTV Girls photos...

It's a bit embarassing that I'm second in the Google listings for the improperly spelt "koh phanagan" but third for "ryan mclaughlin china blog".

When You're A Stranger

I've had a desire to figure out this Mahjong thing since coming to China and now having clocked about an hour and a half of watching it unfold infront of me I can safely state - I'm no closer to understanding it.

Ok, I know it involves tiles - a shit load of them - and usually money. Roughly I know you have to get runs and three of a kinds, there's something about opening a door, eating tiles (and other assorted digestive analogies)... but as for being able to sit down and play, there's no surer way of parting me with money.

I know all this because yesterday I took a chance and met up with a stranger. Now, this stranger was a rather small, cute girl, so my worries were limited, but those are the ones you have to be most weary of.

I met Karen while waiting for the train to Dalian last Wednesday. After nearly bowling her over in the ticket line I noticed her beside me waiting for the train. I got the sense that she might be working up the courage to say something to me, and when she asked me what the time was (in slam-bang English no less - a surprise at the Jinzhou train station) it sparked a conversation that continued until we parted ways in Dalian about 50 minutes later.

A student at Dalian's foreign language institute she spends most her week in Dalian, but comes home to Jinzhou on the weekend. We agreed that we should try and meet up this weekend, and so it was that I met her at about 11 a.m. yesterday. She took me for a lunch of dumplings and then brought me to her godmother's house where her mother was playing mahjong. Taking over her mother's spot at the table Karen did her best to explain the finer points of the game to me, but I can confidently say I'll not be entering competitions any time soon.

We then hit up a western restaurant for some sundaes and headed to her place to chill with her brother. Yup - Karen's family is one of those rare cases with more than a 3-person household. When her parents came home from their respective mahjong games they invited me to come out for dinner with them at a local restaurant, an event that quickly incorporated the extended family as well. Once we got to the restaurant her dad invited two of her aunts and uncles to join us. It was whispered by her aunt that it was a special occasion indeed if her father was offering to take them for dinner.

Dinner was excellent, and despite a good few GAN BEI's (bottom's up!) I managed to keep my wits about me.


The whole famn damily. Karen and her brother are on the far right of the table and her mother and father are on the far left.

With both of us having nothing to do today we met up again and spent the day getting me a phone card so I could call my mom for Mother's Day and searching for something unique and interesting she could get for her ma ma (eventually settling on flowers).


Karen in this nice little garden place she showed me just up the street from my house.

After saying goodbye to Karen at about 5:30 so she could catch her train back to Dalian, I met up with the Matthews and Brendan to check out Dalian Shide (pronounced shi duh, not sh-eye-de) the "Man. United" of Chinese football. They've recently been playing their home games at the Jinzhou stadium. So 20 kuai and a short walk took me one step closer to removing my naivity about the world's biggest sport. Though not exactly the Premiership, the game was entertaining.

True to Chinese form (and complete lack of respect for personal safety) after a goal was scored fireworks - somewhat akin to emergency flares - were lit randomly in the crowd. But my favourite was the Chinese solution to the 'DUN DUN DUNT, DUN DUN DUNT' music - essentially, if you get there early you get your place by one of the four large taiko-style drums and you get to beat them like a bad student for the duration of the game.

Final Score: Dalian 2, Unknown Guys in Grey and Orange 0
Number of Unknown Guys in Grey and Orange Removed From The Field By Stretcher and Medical Staff: 2

Bingyu Valley

Aaron, Summer, Lorna and yours truly. [photo by Lorna]

I'm not entirely sure why I always attempt to write these entries when I should by all accounts be gently passed-out beneath the covers of my bed. I mean, there's nothing stopping me from turning this laptop off and getting my much earned sleep... yet, here we go.

After three shockless (as in the part, not the event) bus trips and two rather chaotic transfers... I've returned from two days in rural China visiting Bingyu Valley (Bingyu Gou), a surprisingly semi-unblemished bit of nature about 250km from Dalian.

Tuesday night, after spending a fun-filled afternoon playing ping pong and pool with Tina, I headed to Dalian to meet Lorna and Summer. We went for some noodles and after watching 15 minutes of the strangest cinema I've ever seen (some old French film... Le Chien Something) we crashed to assure we'd be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for our early morning start.

Evening out both the male/female and Chinese/Foreigner ratios, we met Summer's friend Aaron at the bus station. To get to Bingyu Valley you must take a two-hour bus ride [34 RMB] to the small town of Zhuanghe and then transfer to a local bus [8 RMB] that in the course of about an hour takes you, and every other rural-dweller, on a tailbone jarring trip through countrified Liaoning to the mouth of Bingyu Valley.

When we arrived at the outskirts of the valley we were presented with two options - we could A) stay at the park's hotel for about 300 RMB (for a double) per night, or B) stay at a local farm house for considerably less - 10 RMB/person/night. We went with the latter, and got to experience The Simple Life first hand. Lemme just say Paris Hilton's got nothin' on us! We chose to all share a room with a kang, a big traditional Chinese brick bed that is heated by a fire beneath it, and a wonderful view of the back garden and toilet.

The weather was a bit crap, and getting steadily worse, so we decided to wait to tackle the park the following day when we'd hopefully have some sunshine and definitely have more time. Instead we took to looking around the area, walking along a river, hiking up a hill, talking to the pigs... just general rustic-tourism at its finest.



[1] Aaron, Lorna and Summer. [2] This odd housefront built into the mountain. [3] A closer shot. [4] A man fishing, in a full suit.

In the late afternoon the skies let loose and soaked us coming down from our first "mountain" trek. We hid the rest of the day indoors napping, playing cards, snacking and laughing at the inventive ways in which other guests of the house were using umbrellas in the roofless outhouse. After a bit of dinner we broke into the beer and I taught Aaron and Summer Kings.


[1] Lorna and Aaron enjoying the well earned view. [2] The group hiding from the rain on our kang.

Somewhere during all this Summer was kind enough to teach me a more polite version of xie xie (thank you), as I had told her I liked to learn little Chinese phrases to impress and surprise random Chinese people. She, out of the kindness of her lovely little heart, explained that "jia gei wo ba" will surely get the result I was looking for. So when, merrily into our second round of Kings, we ran out of beer and the woman of the farm brough us some more, I decided this was an excellent opportunity to use my new lingo and confidently spat out "Jia gei wo ba" to her. I'm not sure if it was the look in her eye or Summer falling to the floor in hysterics that told me I'd just been burned by my sweet new friend... but regardless, there it was. Incidently, I don't think the woman accepted my marriage proposal and I've committed to not learning or speaking any more Chinese - ever.

A drunken few hands of Crazy Eights and we hit the kang for the night. Sleep was a little up and down as Aaron was a bit of a syphony with his nostrils (not that I can complain; though I'm not a snorer - I had been drinking, so I may have been equally musical). The morning came far too quick, but brought with it some better weather and a Chinese breakfast.



[1] The farmyard - the red-brick think dead centre is the toilet. [2] A closer look - trust me, this is as close as you want to look. [3] Piggy - yeah, I felt a bit guilty when we ordered pork the day before. [4] Standard farm fauna.

We sorted our bill [three meals, a load of beer and the accommodations for the night @ only 50 RMB ea.] and headed to the park. Initially I thought the entrance fee of 100 RMB was a bit steep, but in hindsight I do think we got our money's worth. We spent the entire day trekking around the place and got three boat trips (in, out and a scenic one in the middle) for the approx. $15 CND.



[1] At the Bingyu Valley gate. [2] The only way to get into the park from this gate is via boat. [3/4] The view from our first (and only) scenic climb.

The park wasn't fantasticly stunning, but definitely had its moments. The Lonely Planet guide says that it's not going to replace Guilin (a place of drastically beautiful scenery in the south of China) anytime soon, and I guess it's right. However, and this is the plus about know-it-all guidebooks, it set my expectations low and I was definitely surprised to find any sort of natural beauty around these parts. In true Chinese form however, there were crap fibreglass statues littered randomly around the park.



[1] Summer nearly being blown into the river so I could take a photo. [2] We walked for about 1/2 hour down this horse trail - it was pleasant, though Summer may disagree as she repeatedly stepped into the streams. [3] We've stepped into The Shire. [4] Random park view (creative, I know).



[1] Aaron [2] On our scenic boat ride. [3] Also while on the boat. [4] One of many Buddhist shrines throughout the park.

Anyhow, that's it... time for bed. I made friends with a Chinese girl on the train the other day and she's going to give me a shout tomorrow... time to call it a day.


And what would an outing in China be without some Chinglish?

Sun of a Beach

Last night I partook in one of the oddest things I've ever done. A friend of mine (who we'll call Monica - even though it's a guy) knows this woman that gets a kick out of hooking up Chinese girls with Western guys... it's how Mo...nica met his current, rather attractive, girlfriend and as such he's rather positive about the whole thing.

Curious about it, even more so after some other friends went last week, I checked my schedule, realized it - as always - was completely blank and figured it'd be good for me to get out of my apartment.

And so it was that I found myself seated at a table in a Dalian hotel lounge with Monica, two friends whose names (that both share spelling similarities to the 40th book of the Bible) I have sworn to leave out, two girls that couldn't string more than five English words together between them, and a crazy woman interrogating me.

The whole thing went smoother than I thought it would, but did get a bit tricky at the end when trying to leave sans girl and not explaining that I just did it as a laugh and really had no interest. Alright, alright, lets be honest here... had the girl spoken excellent (or some) English, proved to have more on her mind than the latest S.H.E. single and inspired the use of the word "comely" - "just for a laugh" may have been the anecdote at our 50th Anniversary... but as it was, no interest.

For the rest of the night we chose to stick with the decidedly well-tested, and less-successful club scene, a choice that left me waking up to a rather annoying sound on Matt's couch in Kaifaqu. The noise was the alarm clock that, through some stroke of forsight, had been set a mere four hours earlier. And I was up and heading to meet Alan, Vanessa and Lorna for a day at Jinshitan or Golden Pebble Beach.



Some stuff around Kaifaqu. Sunshine and camera angles are a nasty way to shake a hangover.

After a 4 kuai and 25 minute ride on the light rail (sort of like a skytrain) I was in the fresh air of Jinshitan. The train station is a kilometre or two away from the beach, so I found a table and settled in to waiting for the crew to arrive.

About an hour and a half later, after appearing in four photos for Chinese tourists, the formation of some lasting friendships with these guys in Disney character suits and over-extending the English speaking abilities of a man from Harbin, they showed up - having brought Summer, a Chinese friend of Lorna's, in tow. Trust that it had occurred to me several times while waiting that I could have easily utilized that time on a pillow helping with the sogginess of my brain, but then again, I'm almost always late... so, what can be said?


[1] Kids can make some great expressions, but the look on their faces upon seeing their cartoon idols headless and puffin' a cig will be making me chuckle for weeks. [2] Jinshitan.

Our first priority was food, so we found a beachfront restaurant and dug in to some barbeque - teaching Summer the phrase "the hair of the dog that bit you..." when I ordered a beer. There's something so relaxing about sitting by the sea, chowing down on some of its tastier critters and sipping cheap Chinese beer, it didn't take me long to sort out where I'd be spending much of my summer.



[1] LUNCH! [2] Summer is here (get it... get it). [3] That's right folks, unrecycle.

The beach itself was alright, a bit (get this) pebbly, but alright. The ice-like May water kept us land-locked but we did start a rather amusing stone skipping competition that spread down the beach like VD in a college dorm.



Some random shots from around the beach.

Lorna, Summer and I got a little bit ambitious and rented a bicycle built for three. There's a reason they never made a song about this - aside from Daisy's rampant jealousy - they just don't work. After dodging busses and taxis trying to master the skill and balance needed to go straight and stay upright, it occured to me that I don't have health insurance and I doubt this sort of thing is covered under the Future School plan. Leaving the girls to it, I went off and grabbed some photos, meeting them at the top of a scenic area to take in the view.


[1] Troopers I tell ya. [2] "Hey Lorna!"


Alright, time for the cutsy friendly shots with scenic backdrop.

We returned to sea level (I mean, how often do you get to say that and know 100% you're there?) and found our way back to the train station. Summer, Lorna and I parted ways with Alan and Vanessa at the Kaifaqu stop where we got out and went searching for some Korean food for dinner. I know of a good North Korean restaurant in Kaifaqu, and I must stress the "of"... as I really have no clue as to where it's located. A taxi driver was kind enough to take us to a nice place that his friend recently opened - who says there's no such thing as altruism.

More than 24 hours after leaving, I've returned home and am using every last ounce of kimchi-fueled energy I have to type this out. At first I was a bit bummed that I was going to be spending my May holiday at home and not trapsing around China like the rest of the country, but it's really shaping up to be a good week. I was told the other day that Da Hei Shan (Big Black Mountain) is off limits to foreigners (no one is really sure why), which killed my plans to do something with Tina, a former student of mine. However, we've just sorted out that we'll go to this water park/ping pong place (I think I lost something in the translation, and I'm a little nervous that she said she could protect me... from what?) on Wednesday and then on Thursday it looks like I'll be heading to Bingyu Valley with Lorna and Summer. The valley is about 250 km from Dalian and is the closest thing we can get to real nature in these parts.